News Item
Blair 'the Flair' previews Halloween Howl 4
Wild Wrestling action night...
HALLOWEEN HOWL 4
On Friday October 30th, Wellington High School in the heart of the windy city will pay proud host to Kiwi Pro Wrestling's fourth annual 'Halloween Howl' extravaganza! This event is already shaping up to be a dark carnival of costumes, witches, wizards, masked men and wild wrestling action for all the family! Once again, the stars of KPW will come out to shine... though with all the costumes on offer, you might not recognise them at first!
JONNIE JUICE versus CHRIS DELOREAN
To my knowledge, this is the first time these two have clashed. I just hope the ring is big enough to contain the egos involved! This match will be a "clash of confidence", with two ready-made rock stars eager to prove they're the true mover-and-shaker in KPW! Without Team Pretty in his corner for this match, Jonnie Juice might have to rely on those top-calibre wrestling skills he keeps hidden under a bushel of cheating, arrogance and disdain. But if there's one person on the KPW roster who can just laugh all that off and come back swinging for the win, it's the "Neon Knight", Chris Delorean. He will have the crowd behind him and I predict that "Mr Love Potion 69" will dazzle them with both his tights and high-flying manoeuvres in his attempt to take Juice down a notch or two. It's "fly or die" for Delorean, and who knows - Juice may well run dry on this one!
TERRY the Golden Greek versus EL NINJA
On what already promises to be a night well out of the ordinary, 'Halloween Howl 4' will play host to Terry the Golden Greek's return to the ring! The scheming GM's eager to prove he's got what it takes to hang with the big boys. We all know that the Mediterranean Machiavelli can talk the talk, but can he walk the walk? In his previous foray into the squared circle, the cunning GM took on Max "the Axe" Damage, and even when stooping to underhanded tactics, he couldn't get the job done. On October 30th, the Golden Greek faces the ultimate "x-factor", the international man of martial arts himself, El Ninja! I've seen the masked man practicing his skulking and his "No Shadow" kick, and I think he's a worthy match for the KPW GM. However, Terry's always been the man with the master-plan (usually in his ubiquitous metal briefcase), so he might pull out something unexpected. Will the "tower of marinated man-meat" prove to be the Tua to El Ninja's Cameron? Or will the masked man make the GM rue the day he returned to the ring? KPW's "Halloween Howl 4" holds the answer!
'THE BRUTE' (accompanied by Nurse Payne) versus DR. DIABLO
On the surface, this looks like the classic case of patient versus doctor, except even the good Doctor's not crazy enough to try to treat this high-risk subject! People forget that even though the Brute's several sandwiches short of a picnic, and though "the elevator doesn't go to the top floor" (if you catch my meaning), he is a second-generation wrestler with raw power blended with an excellent grappling background. Also, wrestling has always proved positive "occupational therapy" for him. The Brute's ability to stay focused and release his aggression and skill in short bursts of absolute destruction (or "Brute force") might prove too much for the Doctor to handle. After all, the Doctor comes to the ring with his salsa and his swagger, and the Brute gets wheeled out with his attendants, lovely Nurse Payne and the tiny "Lovely One", the only thing that keeps him focused and in check.
It was only possible to lure the Doctor away from a lucrative speaking tour in Mexico by reminding him that this match would be a chance to increase his win record over the Brute. But if the Doctor is to have any chance of surviving the Brute's own special brand of "positive association therapy", Diablo's going to have to prescribe some tough love for the Brute and just outsmart the snarling grappler. It worked once before - at 'Australian Invasion' back in August 2007, when Diablo scored a win with a quick rollup. That was their second encounter. With the scores tied at one apiece, third time will be the charm for whom? Remember, one tiny mistake and Dr. Diablo will be the one on the operating table being cut up! Will the masked prevail man again, or will the Brute bust out of his straitjacket and into victory?
THE MUMMY versus 'The Fixation' JIMMY FOXX
To say this promises to be a special match is a real understatement. Earlier this year, KPW got a good deal on this mummy from the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge, England (some minor muckamuck from the 18th Dynasty in Egypt's New Kingdom, circa 1570 BCE), intending to unveil the ages-old specimen at its showcase Halloween-themed event of the year. That changed slightly thanks to Jimmy Foxx's big mouth. You see, ever since breaking from his mentor Miles D'Rock, Foxx's cocky attitude has been insufferable. I think the reason he talks to his reflection is not because he thinks he looks great, it's because his reflection's the only one who'll listen!
The way I heard it, Jimmy was in the locker room, boasting about how great he thinks he is, and someone called him a "mummy's boy". Jimmy naturally took umbrage (with his protein-and-creatine shake, I think) and declared that he wasn't. Kiwi Pro Wrestling CEO Rip Morgan overheard, and saw the opportunity to simultaneously make Foxx prove it and give the KPW fans one heck of a spectacle, so he arranged this very match! Foxx was flabbergasted, but now he can't back down without looking like a fool. Defiant to the last, he now claims he can "take" the Mummy, on the basis that any thing that old has to be dried up and useless. Well, I was present at the opening of the shipping casket, and lets just say that if the Mummy can't out-wrestle his opponent, his three millennia-old body odour will ensure a victory by submission! Will "the Fixation" be struttin' and a-cuttin' his way to victory come "Halloween Howl 4", or will The Mummy wrap up Jimmy Foxx in a small package?
Irishman MIKE RYAN versus EL CONDOR
If there's one person who never enters into the spirit of things, it's 'Crowbar' Mike Ryan. Though an excellent amateur wrestler and the youngest man to turn professional in his time, age has not tempered the Irishman's blade, nor mellowed him one iota.
He's always in a bad mood, and the sight of a high-flyin', colourful character like El Condor is bound to get his dander up. These two have wrestled before, at 'Kaos Theory' in July 2007, where the happy-go-lucky El Condor had his wings soundly clipped by a powerslam from Ryan. You can bet that El Condor will be looking for some payback at 'Halloween Howl 4' and that Ryan will be showing that all he cares about in the ring is the win!
SEMI MAIN EVENT
'Battle of the Giants': KYOTE (6' 8" / 203cms, 386lbs / 175kg, from Australia) - Managed by Charlie Roberts versus MAX "The Axe" DAMAGE (6' 5" / 195cms, 275lbs / 125kg (from New Zealand)
It's the biggest man in New Zealand professional wrestling versus the mobile mountain from the Badlands of Oz at 'Halloween Howl 4'! This will be a "giant" challenge for the Axe, as the simple truth of the matter is that Damage has only faced opponents bigger than him on a handful of occasions. On those occasions, he's driven to high-risk manoeuvres to take his larger opponents off guard. I know for a fact that he resorted to "do or die" aerial tactics against Kyote in a recent match across The Ditch, almost putting the "suicide" into a suicide dive on the massive man!
Kyote's appearance at 'Halloween Howl 4' is not by chance. Far from it. Apparently taking a leaf out of Terry the Golden Greek's playbook, Charlie Roberts has hired in outside help in an effort to remove Max Damage from the KPW top contenders' picture. I understand that Roberts had to fork out big bucks for the big Australian (never mind the exchange rate), so he'll be looking for a quantifiable return on his investment, namely a battered and beaten Max Damage.
All you really need to know about Kyote is that he's massive, mean and powerful. That might actually be enough to get the job done against Max Damage. I know that Damage never backs down from a fight, but has his bravery lead him into dangerous territory this time? When these two behemoths collide at KPW's "Halloween Howl 4", who will be left standing, and will there be anything recognisable of them left?
MAIN EVENT
Six man elimination tag team match: H-FLAME, WHETU the Maori Warrior and 'The Powerhouse' JADE DIAMOND versus THE RENEGADES (KADE MORGAN '3G' and SHANE 'The Technician' WHITEHEAD) and INFERNO (with Charlie Roberts)
The main event of KPW's 'Halloween Howl 4' will showcase the company's first elimination tag team match. And to go one better, one more man has been added to each team, promising extra mayhem in the ring and extra fun for the fans! Eliminations rules mean that the first fall won't win the match outright, though it will win the advantage for that team. This means it'll be a case of "last team standing"! Both teams will have to play "the long game" if they want to leave KPW's showcase event as victors!
And speaking of teams, their talents are matched only by their intense rivalries!
The Renegades have proven they can take advantage of any opportunity to secure a win, but the maroro tihi (mighty team) of Whetu and Jade Diamond remain constant challengers to the Renegades' tag team championship gold. Whetu and Diamond look upon this match as an opportunity not only for a little payback, but for a chance to show KPW management that they're due a tag team title match ASAP!
Whetu and Jade Diamond don't need to convince the fans however, as I think the KPW faithful already know the type jaw-dropping high-risk moves of which they're capable! Will the team that brings the mana leave with the victory, or will the Renegades think outside the box and cheat all over the ring to win?
On opposite teams and on opposite sides of the same coin stand H-Flame and Inferno. This is a rivalry that stretches back years, with no love lost between these veterans. The difference is that where H-Flame eats, breathes and bench-presses the business of professional wrestling, Inferno is eaten up by anger, bitterness and loathing at supposedly being denied what he feels is his by right - respect and championship gold. With manager Charlie Roberts at his side to forever goad him on, the "fiery one" has clashed with the "international superstar" on more than one occasion, and each time they've battled to a near standstill, evenly matched in skill and experience, though their motivations couldn't be more different. I feel that H-Flame has the edge in tag team competition, but Inferno has Charlie Roberts there to swing things back in his favour. Throw these two into different tag teams and add elimination rules and you've a recipe for a main event... that threatens to bring the house down for real! I for one can't wait!
Also in keeping with the 'Halloween' theme of the event, there will be first, second and third place prizes for the best Halloween costumes, as chosen by Trinket the Clown and Commentator Blair 'the Flair'. So, come dressed up and get into the spirit of things and cheer for your favourite KPW wrestler!
As always, the card is subject to change. In the meantime, this is Blair 'the Flair' saying, "See you at ringside!"